‘Took a bath, said goodbye to my body… made love after dinner’: Haunting final diary entry of famous poet who killed herself aged 39 is revealed in grieving husband’s new book

The haunting final diary entry of a famous poet who killed herself aged 39 has been revealed three years later in her grieving husband’s new book.

Molly Brodak, who wrote A Little Middle of the Night and appeared on the Great American Baking Show, took her life on March 8, 2020, in Atlanta, Georgia, after being diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Her heartbroken husband Blake Butler shared the news on Twitter, saying: ‘My partner Molly Brodak passed away yesterday. I don’t know how else to tell it.’

Now he has revealed the final diary entry the poet penned, which were described by one reviewer ‘as beautiful as they are horrifying’.

It said: ‘Took a bath, said goodbye to my body. We ate grilled halloumi and made love after dinner and watched our favorite things on TV.

‘Feel like I can see everything with such clarity this morning. I’ve been pretending my entire life.’  

Poet Molly Brodak, 39, tragically ended her life in March 2020 after being diagnosed with a brain tumor leaving behind devastated husband Blake Butler. The couple are pictured together

Butler confronts the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath giving an unflinching account of the impact on the living. Butler was the one to find her body.

Butler confronts the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath giving an unflinching account of the impact on the living. Butler was the one to find her body

Butler confronts the gruesome details of Molly’s death and its aftermath giving an unflinching account of the impact on him after finding her body.

‘Leaving it all out for me to find like that,’ Butler explains, together with a suicide note, which she had taped to their front door for him to see on his way back from a run.

‘How she’d made sure I’d be the one to go and find her body, was another kind of violence on its own,’ he writes.

From the outset of ‘Molly’ the book tells of her troubled nature, rooted in her past.

Molly grew up with a criminal father, as detailed in her memoir, ‘Bandit.’

She was just 13 when her seemingly ordinary childhood was shattered after her dad was sent to prison for a string of bank robberies.

Butler also tells how he is not alone and has his own demons to battle including becoming dependent on alcohol.

He delves into Molly’s final journals, poems, emails and social posts in the book. 

‘Took a bath, said goodbye to my body. We ate grilled halloumi and made love after dinner and watched our favorite things on TV. Feel like I can see everything with such clarity this morning. I’ve been pretending my entire life,’ she writes

Molly grew up with a criminal father, as detailed in her memoir, ‘Bandit.’ She was just 13 when her seemingly ordinary childhood was shattered after her dad was sent to prison for a string of bank robberies

Molly’s memorial service, Butler shared some of the 40 poems – one for every year of her life – he had written especially for her, yet never received

In them he channels the anguish of a grieving lover as he goes through Molly’s childhood diaries, lists and gifts offering a window into her complex world.

But doing so brings Butler his own challenges as he continue to drink alcohol and even contemplates ending his own life in order to be reunited with Molly.

At Molly’s memorial service, Butler shared some of the 40 poems – one for every year of her life – he had written especially for her, yet never received.

He reads from a ‘sun-yellow notebook full of forty poems, one for each year of her life, which I’d been working on for months as a surprise for her next birthday, just weeks away …. If only I’d given them to her earlier, I imagined, I might not be up here reading them aloud as for her ghost,’ he writes.

Butler tells how Molly appeared to be preoccupied with death but the book devoted to his wife describes the complexities of grief, suggesting that given the right perspective, even the black hole of loss can yield something meaningful.

If you or anyone you know needs help, you can reach Samaritans NYC at 212-673-3000 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.

For confidential assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988 or click here.