'SNL' Cold Open Mocks Donald Trump's Bible Venture


Saturday Night Live mocked Donald Trump‘s most recent venture — promoting the “God Bless the USA Bible” — on its most recent episode.

The product, which is “inspired by” country musician Lee Greenwood’s song “God Bless the USA,” being sold for $59.99. It includes the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Declaration of Independence, the Pledge of Allegiance and the handwritten chorus to “God Bless the USA.”

In Saturday’s cold open, Trump (played by James Austin Johnson) noted that it’s Easter — “the time of year when I compare myself to Jesus Christ. That’s just the thing I do now and people seem to be OK with it. I’m gonna keep doing it. And if you think that this is a bad look, imagine how weird it would be if I started selling Bibles. Well, I’m selling Bibles.”

Holding a copy of said Bible, Johnson (as Trump) referred to it as this beautiful Bible made from 100% Bible.”

“Sounds like a joke. And in many ways it is, but it’s also very real,” he continued.

Johnson (as Trump) then noted that the Bible is “my favorite book.”

“But this is a very special Bible and it could be yours for the high, high price of $60,” he added. “But I’m not doing this for the money. I’m doing this for the glory of God, and for pandering, and mostly for money.”

He lamented how “sad” it is that “religion and Christianity are totally gone from this country. And we need them back. Without religion, you don’t have laws, you don’t have mission trips. Adult mission trips are a lot of fun. You go to Mexico, you build a house, maybe you make out with someone on the last night. Then of course, it’s back to Clearwater, Florida, like it never happened.”

But back to the Bible he’s promoting: “It comes with everything you like from the Bible, like the story of Easter, which primarily concerns Jesus. Not so much the bunny. I kept waiting for the bunny to show up. He never showed up.”

Johnson’s Trump then went on to compare the Holy Trinity to Destiny’s Child, saying that Beyoncé is like God, Kelly Rowland is Jesus and “Holy Ghost would probably be the Black Michelle Williams, who’s very important to a great number of people. Almost as important as the white Michelle Williams is to white people. And we believe there was a fourth Destiny’s Child, but we’ll be looking into that very shortly. ‘Bills, Bills, Bills.’ That’s a good [song], and I like that one. I’d love someone to pay mine any day.”

Johnson’s Trump ended the bit by saying the Lord’s Prayer: “Our father who are in heaven. hallowed, beep, beep, bing bing bing bing bong, bing bang bing bing bing, trespass, daily bread. And please lead us into temptation and pay our automobiles. In the name of the father, the son and the Easter bunny, Amen.”

Watch the bit below.



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